Looking back, I could should have done things differently. Now, with baby, I regret some decisions I made when I was pregnant. I don’t regret them enough to try and have another child, but still. If there’d ever be a second pregnancy, I know what I’d put on my pregnancy wish list.

I wish I had… gotten a maternity shoot (or at least taken some tummy pictures)

No matter how much you hate your belly in the third trimester, about a week after giving birth you can’t imagine anymore what it was having a GINORMOUS tummy. (Not that you’re back to pre-pregnancy figure – nope you’ll just look semi-pregnant. For the next weeks, months, year or so. Sorry). But anyways, you can’t remember how terribly inconvenient and utter hell it was being pregnant. A few weeks later and you’ll think pregnancy was ‘so special’. Add another month and you’ll long for the feeling of a baby moving inside you.

Enter the desire for pregnancy pictures. Which you didn’t take, because back then you thought you looked like an obese whale. For nine months I thought maternity shoots were bullshit. Why waste money on photos in which you look like an obese whale? Now, I’m stuck with one shitty blurred selfie, realizing I looked way better pregnant than I thought I ever did, and wondering why didn’t I have a maternity shoot? Why didn’t I take a daily, or at least weekly, photo to see my belly growing?! WHY?!

I wish I had… put on the same music before going to bed. Every single night

That way, the unborn baby already learns that when the music plays, it’s time to go zzzzzz. There’s probably a 0.4% chance that this actually works, but that’s enough. Trust me, when your baby refuses to sleep you think ‘I so should have tried this’. Especially when after googling ‘how the f*ck do I get my baby to sleep’ you come across a story about a baby who nods off straight away when hearing ‘Somewhere over the rainbow’ because that’s what his pregnant mummy played every night. Put those tunes on repeat!

I wish I had… reflected on the fact that it’s pretty cool having an actual baby growing inside you

There’s an actual mini human growing inside your tummy. I repeat: a human being is currently growing inside your tummy. Read that last sentence another four times and realize that this is freaking cool. No worries, I know being pregnant can be nine months of throwing up, burping and suffering from heartburn, so I’m not going to say you should enjoy it. But realizing it’s basically a miracle, might make you smile after your daily vomit-trip to the loo.

I wish I had… made movies from a baby foot trying to kick its way out through my tummy

When this happened to me, it looked more like a scene from Alien so I quickly closed my eyes as I hate horror movies. Now I massively regret not capturing this on camera. Comedy gold, especially the expression on my boyfriend’s face.

I wish I had… taken (even more) advantage of the situation

To be honest, I already did this a bit, sometimes, a lot. But I could have easily done it more. ‘Yes, but I’m pregnant’ is basically your Get Out of Jail Free card. It’s the end to every discussion and almost guarantees you’ll get whatever you want, whenever you want it. ‘Yes, but I have a newborn’ also
works pretty well, but when baby fits in diaper size 3, most people seem to think there’s no need anymore to bow to your every wish. The worst is your partner. When the baby is born, he has the counter argument ‘But I also haven’t slept the entire night’ and he isn’t afraid to use it. The asshole.

I wish I had… put on my nicest clothes and taken some great pictures

Do this immediately after the positive pregnancy test, otherwise you won’t fit into your nice clothes anymore. Unfortunately giving birth doesn’t mean you’ll look like your normal self again. Perhaps I’ll fit into my outfits again in 2030 (if they’ve invented slimming chocolate ice-cream by then), but in
ten year’s time my entire pre-baby wardrobe will be horribly out of fashion. That’s why you need to make those pictures straight after those two lines appear. Don’t make the mistake of including the stick you just peed on or an ultrasound photo; just be you. The nice, fun, happy, totally awesome you. This way, when the baby is born you can still post pictures on social media in which you look like a normal person. Like somebody who’s got her shit together, instead of a tired hormonal mess who’s always covered in baby vomit and only ever wears pajamas.

I wish I had… organized a baby shower

I always thought baby showers were for idiots. With way too brightly colored cupcakes, non-alcoholic cocktails (where’s the fun in that?) and stupid gender reveal games. Jeez, let’s all write messages for the baby who won’t be able to read them for the next six years – useless. No thanks.
However, my opinion has changed 180 degrees. Because a baby shower is a big party with all your friends and… wait for it: without crying babies. Plus you get lots of presents and nice food. I WANT ONE! I should have organized three; one for every trimester.

I wish I had… demanded a push present

‘A push present? What a horrible unfeministic idea,’ I thought. And ‘Perhaps my partner will contribute a bit more when the baby is finally born’. That was very naive of me. Because indeed, he doesn’t. And no, I don’t need a mommy-bonus at the end of the year, but a teeny tiny bit of
appreciation for the fact that I’ve spent nine months carrying his child would be nice. In other words: give me a push present! Doesn’t need to be jewelry, a new snowboard is also OK – I’m not picky.

I wish I had… taken more me-time

Yes, apart from ‘Enjoy it!’ and ‘Sleep now you still can!’ it’s the most cliche advice in the world. You’ve probably heard this a zwillion times already since everyone will tell a pregnant women to have more me-time. But there’s a reason for this. Trust me. And take that me-time!

I wish I had… asked for that epidural straight away

Last, but definitely not least: get an epidural at the first sign of contractions. I had the romantic idea of giving birth like nature intended; in bath, without painkillers, chanting positive affirmations and using nothing but my own strength. All that hippie jazz. It turned out to be a very bad idea; I can’t deal with pain so I started crying hysterically after contraction number one. For me, giving birth to a child, just like getting your wisdom teeth pulled or having your appendix removed, falls into the category: ‘things you only do when being properly anesthetized’.

Unfortunately, when my baby was born, it was too late to do all these things. Which was painful (during birth) and annoying (baby refuses to sleep, no matter what music I play). It also made me cry a bit lot when seeing these 50 gorgeous maternity photoshoot ideas.

However, before I’ll even consider trying for another nine months of throwing up, burping and suffering from heartburn, I want to know what else I should do differently. So tell me: what’s on your pregnancy wish list?

The post 10 Things I Wish I’d Done When I Was Pregnant appeared first on Pregnant Chicken.