Dear Family,

I’m writing to inform you that, effective immediately; I’m resigning from my position as person who handles everything food related.

It’s been a pleasure working with you in this capacity, and I’ve learned innumerable skills and lessons in my fifteen years on the job, including, but hardly limited to cooking multiple dinners per night to accommodate the various dietary restrictions (also known as pickiness) from diners; creating a weekly online shopping list and navigating the many aisles of the grocery story to supplement said list; efficiently unloading all of the groceries independent of any assistance 90% of the time; creating a menu to satisfy all eaters; enjoying only lukewarm dinners; loading and emptying dishwasher on a daily basis.

While I welcomed this job when I stepped into the role fifteen years ago, it occurred to me over time that while my responsibilities grew, my compensation—in the form of gratitude, praise and assistance—didn’t grow at the pace of my increased roles. In fact, the compensation decreased over time, and rather than receiving my fair share for work endured, I have been offered complaints, criticisms, and a startling lack of involvement from the rest of the diners and kitchen staff.

And so, we must part ways.

Please note that I am happy to continue investing in the company. Though I will no longer be the person-who-handles-everything-food-related, I will continue to contribute my weekly paycheck to the purchase and production of food.

I am happy to work with you to help you train a replacement and ensure a smooth transition. I expect the following items to be outstanding on my last day, and though I will strive to complete as much as possible, these items should be considered regular tasks.

• Create weekly grocery list
• Order weekly grocery list online and make sure you have family input so no one becomes furious when you forget something
• Pick up groceries at Shoprite.
• Go to Acme when you inevitably forget something at Shoprite. Be sure to walk quickly and with your head down lest you embark upon awkward and tedious conversations with strangers and acquaintances.
• Unpack all groceries and put them away. Make a mental note regarding the location of everything. Reminder: you are the only one able to find anything.
• Prepare hot breakfasts, lunches, and dinners for all in-house diners. Make two dinners daily.
• Clean up after each dinner. Do all of the dishes.
• Run the dishwasher.
• Empty the dishwasher.
• Begin entire process again.

I’m sure upon consideration of above tasks, you’ll see what was quite obvious to me—this executive position was truly too big of a job for one person to handle effectively, unless it is one’s only full time position. With that said, if you reformat the position, I would be willing to consider returning on a part-time basis with a functioning team in place.

Thank you very much for the professional experience and opportunities over the years. I’ll look forward to running into you in the building, as I’ll be maintaining my other positions as person-who handles-all-the-laundry; person-who-handles-all-the-family-logistics including doctor appointments, weekday recreational travel and scheduling; and person-who-handles-overseeing-of-schoolwork, relationships and parties.

Wishing you all the best.

Sincerely,

Mom

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